


Six Times Levi Touched Erwin's Scar, and One Time He Couldn't

by ras_elased



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Choice With No Regrets OVA, Angst, M/M, Scars, but hey at least there's porn, five times fic, snk chapter 68 spoilers, this is so sappy i have no excuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3713824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ras_elased/pseuds/ras_elased
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's a deep cut," Erwin says. "It will likely reopen several times before it fully heals."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Times Levi Touched Erwin's Scar, and One Time He Couldn't

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授权翻译】Six Times Levi Touched Erwin's Scar, and One Time He Couldn't](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3799915) by [Dorayaki_Smith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorayaki_Smith/pseuds/Dorayaki_Smith)



> Based on the [post](http://ras-elased.tumblr.com/post/115892427268/so-i-just-realized-the-hand-erwin-used-to-block) I made on my tumblr after watching the ACWNR OVA pt II. I'm still not done crying over it, but writing happy angst helps. \o/

~1~

"Just...see that you handle him," Shadis says, casting one more suspicious glare in Levi's direction. Levi glares back, but his heart isn't in it.

"Of course, Commander," Erwin says, and taps out a sharp salute. Shadis nods and turns, shuffling down the hall and running a hand over the back of his neck. Erwin watches him go, those sharp eyes catching everything and projecting nothing. Levi just thinks Shadis seems tired, but Erwin probably sees more than that. He drops the salute when Shadis turns the corner.

"Looks like you'll be training with my squad tomorrow," Erwin says. "I can draw up the official transfer order tonight, then meet me just after roll call and—"

"There's blood on your shirt," Levi says. 

Erwin looks down. The crisp white of his button down is speckled with red on the left side of his chest. Levi stares at it and thinks about how yesterday Levi had been covered with titan blood, how even after a dozen baths he still doesn't feel clean.

"Ah, so there is," Erwin says. He looks down at his right hand, holding it palm up briefly to examine the wound. "It's a deep cut, it will likely reopen several times before it fully heals."

But Levi grabs his hand and brings it down closer to his face to see for himself. There's fresh blood on Erwin's palm. A deep gash cuts straight across the flesh, where Levi's sword had sliced into it. Levi had been aiming for his throat. "Looks painful," he says. Levi doesn't know how Erwin has been walking around since yesterday like it doesn't bother him, especially after it reopened just from being clenched into a fist. "Didn't you have someone treat it?"

"Mike saw to it as best he could." Levi looks up at Erwin's face then, and after a moment he sees it. Something about the tightness of the skin around his eyes, the thin set to his lips, tells Levi that Erwin is in just as much pain as Levi suspected, he is just burying it down to be dealt with later, if at all. Levi feels a sudden lump form in his throat. He knows something about that.

Before he can think better of it, Levi reaches up and loosens his cravat. He slips the cloth from around his neck and wraps it firmly around Erwin's palm. "Here," he says. "Now go get it checked out by a real doctor and get it stitched up, idiot." He turns and walks back to the barracks.

Levi almost misses the belated, "Yes, thank you Levi." Erwin's voice is no less decisive but there is a soft edge around his words.

Levi just makes sure to turn the corner before tossing out, grudgingly, "I'll be at your office tomorrow for paperwork."

~2~

After a mission, Erwin works and Levi cleans. It becomes routine fairly quickly. Levi usually cleans in Erwin's office because it's quiet and no one will bother him. Also Erwin isn't one for unnecessary conversation.

It's the silence of their work that lets Levi hear the clatter of the pen and Erwin's soft noise in his throat. Levi turns from the bookshelf he's dusting to glance over his shoulder. Erwin has his left thumb pushed to the center of his right palm, his eyes closed as he flexes his hand a few times as if working out a cramp. Levi pulls down the dust mask from his face and crosses the room to Erwin's desk.

Erwin's eyes snap open when Levi takes Erwin's hand in his. Levi digs his own thumbs into the meat of Erwin's hand, working at the tension of the muscles used to hold his pen. "You've been at it for hours. You're going to get arthritis, old man."

Erwin's lips thin and he's quiet for a moment. Levi's learned to read him well enough by now to recognize the look Erwin gets when he's struck by an irregularity, the processing of new information until he can slot it into his carefully constructed framework. It only lasts a moment before his expression clears and he sighs. "I'm afraid these forms won't write themselves. But perhaps a short break will do me good."

Erwin makes no move to reclaim his hand, and Levi looks down to see the shiny pink skin of the fresh scar on Erwin's palm. He traces the edge of it with his thumb. "Does it still hurt?"

"No," Erwin says, and it's a little too automatic. Levi barely lifts one eyebrow but doesn't say anything. After a moment more, Erwin looks away, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. "It gets a bit sore sometimes," he admits.

Levi makes a vague sound of acknowledgment in his throat, thinking. Then he drops Erwin's hand and crosses to the chair on the other side of the desk. He drags it back to Erwin's side, settling himself into it and picking up Erwin's discarded pen. "Alright," he says, sliding the stack of papers over from their place in front of Erwin. "Tell me what I need to write."

It's a rare thing, to see Erwin confused. "Levi, you don't—"

"Look, I may not have your fancy penmanship but my writing is just as legible as anyone's. Now tell me what I need to write."

And there's that look again, the processing of new information. But after a moment, Erwin nods. "Alright, Levi." 

~3~

"Erwin," Levi says, entering Erwin's office without knocking. "They're waiting for you."

The soldiers have started gathering in the courtyard, preparing to head out for their next mission. Erwin is usually one of the first there, ready to inspect equipment and horses before departure. But as the sun rose higher, Erwin was still holed up in his office, and Levi took it upon himself to retrieve him.

He finds Erwin standing in front of a mirror staring at his own reflection. The bolo looks just as ridiculous on Erwin as it had on Shadis, but it's only Erwin's first time wearing it outside of the gate. Perhaps Levi will get used to the sight, in time.

Levi waits for a moment, knowing Erwin heard him enter. When Erwin just continues to stare into the mirror, Levi walks fully into the office, frowning. "Erwin, what are you doing?"

Levi watches from behind as Erwin's eyes take in his own reflection. "I suppose I'm wondering if I'm qualified to lead these soldiers."

That kind of bluntness is usually Levi's forte, not Erwin's. Levi presses his tongue against the back of his teeth, mouth pursed. "Don't be an idiot, Erwin. You've been leading these men long before Shadis stepped down."

"Yes, I suppose that's the wrong question." Erwin's gaze falls away from the mirror, as if he can't even look himself in the eye. "What I meant was, am I worth following?"

It's a rare moment of frailty, of vulnerability, and Levi wonders when he became the person Erwin trusts enough to show this side of himself. It's something Levi wonders often. It's been years since that day in the rain, the day Levi nearly killed Erwin, and not a day has gone by since then that Levi doesn't think about how much he would have lost.

"Erwin," he says, taking a deep breath, "If you weren't worth following, then I wouldn't have followed you."

A beat passes, and Levi catches the edge of a wistful smile in Erwin's reflection. "You did, didn't you?" Erwin turns to face Levi then. He comes close and places two steadying hands on Levi's shoulders, but somehow Levi thinks it's mostly a way for Erwin to steady himself. "Promise me something, Levi."

Levi nods easily, without hesitation, and that brings a soft look to Erwin's eyes. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, but Levi waits. When Erwin's hand reaches up to rest against Levi's jaw, Levi's breath stutters in his chest. He lifts his own hand to cup around Erwin's, reflexively anchoring the touch.

"Promise to help me always be a man worthy of that choice."

The words are an eerie echo of a promise Levi made to himself years ago, though that time Erwin's worth was never the one in question. This isn't a promise Levi has to make, but he will. 

The places where they touch feel like a brand on his skin. He turns a little into Erwin's hand, cheek brushing across Erwin's palm. He sucks in a breath and presses his lips to the scar there, then lifts his eyes to meet Erwin's. Levi feels like his heart is going to hammer right out of his chest. 

"I promise," he says. It's the softest he's ever heard his own voice.

~4~

It becomes something of a habit then. Before every mission they make sure to grab a private moment away from prying eyes. Before they part, no matter how fleeting, Levi always touches the scar on Erwin's palm, brushing his fingers across the skin like a man with a holy talisman. Levi knows Erwin must notice, but he never asks, and Levi is not the sort to tell.

~5~

Erwin seals the last of the letters with a wax stamp. There are four set aside for Levi to deliver in person. He doesn't move to take them, not right away. He watches Erwin from his perch on the edge of the desk next to where Erwin sits. Erwin's shoulders are slouched low over the stack that is far too large for how little they accomplished.

Erwin smooths out the stack one last time, elbows on the wood and sheer stubborn will the only things holding him up. He moves one hand to rest on the smaller stack of four. "Do you blame me for their deaths, too?"

Levi almost says no to spare Erwin's grief, but he's forgotten for a moment who he's speaking to. He doesn't lie to Erwin, and Erwin can see through it in any case. He reaches out and rests his hand on top of Erwin's. "A little," he admits.

Erwin turns his hand under Levi's, and Levi recognizes the request for what it is. Levi brushes his fingers over the scar on Erwin's palm before settling his fingers against it, a reminder of how far they've come without making any progress at all. Five years, and today was like that first mission all over again.

Erwin slumps back in his chair. He tilts his head back towards the ceiling and pinches the bridge of his nose in a sigh. "So do I," he says.

Levi's free hand comes up to thread through Erwin's hair. When Levi leans down to kiss Erwin's forehead, it's a benediction.

~6~

"Erwin," Levi says, and his voice is wrecked. Erwin is above him, sweat dripping from his hair and the tip of his nose with each thrust. It should be gross, but Levi doesn't fucking care as long as Erwin keeps moving _just like that_ , thick cock splitting him open while Levi arches up for more.

A rough thrust catches him just right and Levi keens high in the back of his throat. He twists his wrists in Erwin's grip but Erwin has each one thoroughly pinned. It's no use but Levi's so close, he needs to touch himself, touch Erwin, touch _something_. Instead he digs his heels sharply into the backs of Erwin's thighs and clenches down around Erwin's cock, shoving his hips harder into each thrust.

Erwin says his name more as a growl than a word and then Erwin's lips are on his, hot breath and open mouths that can't quite stay pressed together with the way their bodies are rocking into each other. Levi wants Erwin's tongue in his mouth, but neither of them are coordinated enough for that right now. Levi can feel Erwin's thighs trembling against the backs of his calves. It makes his stomach muscles clench with a building heat as Erwin swallows Levi's moan.

Erwin's grip loosens on Levi's wrists, and he slides his palms up to press Levi's hands flat against the bed. It's enough, Levi could easily slip out of Erwin's grasp now, but instead he presses his palms up to meet Erwin's, threading their fingers together and arching so hard his spine lifts from the bed. He comes with a hitching moan, and Erwin follows later with a few stuttering, slick thrusts.

After, sometime deep into the night, Erwin slips his arm over Levi's ribs and presses his scarred palm to Levi's chest. Levi feels his heart beating steady against Erwin's palm and pretends he's asleep. 

~7~

Levi holds it together as long as he can. He holds it together as they make their way back to the city, as he, Erwin, and Hanji devise a plan to take out Rod Reiss's titan. When he feels himself starting to fall apart, he grabs Erwin by his one remaining arm and drags him back to their room for the night.

The moment the door shuts, Levi starts to shake. Everything he's been trying not to feel for the last several weeks comes rushing in all at once. But Erwin is here now. He is _here_ , standing in front of Levi, and for the first time Levi admits to himself he's been afraid he'd never have this again.

Levi pushes Erwin back across the room, pushes like he's angry, pushes until Erwin's legs catch the edge of the bed. Levi keeps pushing until he has Erwin back against the headboard. Levi straddles his lap and looks at Erwin with wide eyes. He runs trembling fingers through Erwin's hair, sweeping it back a little like he wore it before, something about the familiarity of it settling the buzz under his skin. Erwin lets him, knowing in that strange way of his just what Levi needs and giving it without having to be asked.

Levi runs his hands over Erwin's face, gentling his touch at the bruise on Erwin's jaw, but Erwin presses into it, his hand a soothing weight on Levi's hip. Levi's fingers fumble at the buttons of Erwin's shirt before they slip inside, skimming his palms over smooth skin like he's done a million times before. He presses his hands up and over broad shoulders, taking the shirt with it. He runs his hands down either side, one twining his fingers with Erwin's with the ease of habit, the other stopping at the end of Erwin's stump. He turns, watching his fingers with a kind of odd detachment as they graze the too-pink skin of Erwin's amputation scars. Levi realizes this is the first time he's really touched the skin there since he'd left Erwin in the hospital, bandaged and alone.

"At least the scar is gone," Erwin says. It's the first time either of them has spoken since entering the room, and it makes Levi furrow his brows.

"What?"

"The scar on my hand. It's gone now." His voice isn't exactly peaceful, but there's less of the tension that it held before, even when teasing Levi at the hospital. "A silver lining I suppose. I know you must have hated it, as a reminder of that day."

Levi blinks, then his furrowed brows morph into a scowl. "For such a smart man, you can be a fucking idiot sometimes." He drops Erwin's hand in favor of grabbing his jaw, no longer gentle. "That scar..." He starts, but the words get stuck in his throat. He swallows and tries again. "The day I gave you that scar, I decided you belonged to me, not some titan." Levi brushes his fingers over the smooth pink scars of Erwin's stump. "That's still true."

Erwin stares at him for a long moment, blue eyes gone so soft it makes Levi's chest hurt. There's a sudden ease to Erwin's breathing that no one would notice without already being attuned to it. This is the side of Erwin only meant for Levi, because Levi is the one who's earned it. Levi just keeps his hand on Erwin's newly healed skin as Erwin's arm comes up to wrap around Levi, pulling him close and holding him tight until morning.

When the sun rises, before they head to the wall, Levi touches the scars under Erwin's pinned sleeve and he knows Erwin understands.

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a "five-things" fic and quickly morphed into seven. No one who knows me is in any way surprised by this development.
> 
> Borrowed a few things from unpublished bits of my other eruri wip, which also has a fair bit of scar worship. Let's just add that to the ever growing list of kinks I didn't know I had until I joined the eruri fandom...
> 
> Unbeta'd, so please let me know of any mistakes.
> 
> If you're interested, my tumblr is here: <http://ras-elased.tumblr.com/>


End file.
